School: Students

First off, I'd like to give a September 24th birthday shout out to Maman (pronounce "mamaw", it's southernified French for "Mom"). Usually she and I celebrate with Grandma (my paternal grandmother) at some point in the middle of the month, but seeing as how I can't be there, I'm going to take this opportunity to say I hope their month is particularly gentle and that it bursts forth with all of the lurve and chocolatey goodness they can handle.

And now: the students.

Where to begin? The students here are what you would expect: adorable, tiny and thinner than their teacher. The jerks. What's amazing is how young they are but how distinct their personalities are already. They are so distinct, in fact, that for several of these miniature human parcels, I have afforded them the privilege of a nickname. The children are split into three ages: 7, 6 and 5. What you may not know, yearning reader is that, in the ROK, you are 1 year AT BIRTH.

That is correct: AT. BIRTH.

So, not only have I lost a year coming over here (I celebrated my 29th birthday this month), but the children in my classes are not 7, 6 and 5 but rather 6, 5 and 4 with a 3 year old thrown in for good measure (in this case, good measure = 25% increase in mental instability and also a 25% increase in stress-related pastry intake).

The Magnificent 7's

These kids, being the oldest, have some of the biggest personalities on campus. They are generally easier to teach but not necessarily so and can remind you in certain crucial moments that they are still children; children who can be lifted up against a whiteboard and told just where the colored pencils are supposed to go after use. The roster goes as follows:

1. The Executive - This child is perhaps the most self-possessed, intelligent, reasonable people I've run across ever. This includes you, sesquipedalian reader. Yes, even you. He seems to bear the spirit of a man who will succeed in whatever he tries. And, given his penchant for suit wearing and his bespectacled visage, I feel sure that one day he will run his own country. That country won't be able to put S's on the ends of their words properly but we'll have to forgive them for it, given that they'll find the cure for cancer, build the perfect tennis shoe and probably figure out a way to tell who keeps breaking wind in the elevator every morning and then shutting the stench in for the next unsuspecting stupe (usually yours truly). Yes, the Executive will do it all and he'll control the lives of those beneath him with a decisive and gentle touch.

2. The CEO - I can see her at the head of the conference table at Coca-Cola, firing those who deserve it because she will suffer no fools. I wish you could see the CEO in action as he delegates responsibilities to her subordinates who seem more than grateful to be given any kind of task from on high. She seems to survey a person's soul before speaking to them, weighing each and every possibility before she speaks. She seems severe but really she's adorable. Adorable and kinda severe. Like a bob-cut. She knows she's headed for the top and she knows which of the others is indeed not.

3. The VP - This boy and the CEO are the most popular students at the school. The VP is athletic and gregarious without being overly so. He's got a good sense of humor and a decent work ethic and, though he has a rough time with semi-complex consonant clusters beginning with "s" (think slurp and struck), he has a good eye for words and a fairly good memory. He works very well as a foil to the Executive and really completes the top tier trio.

4. The Princess - Okay, so there are some cultural things that are incredibly different and subtle cultural things that I'm not picking up on quite yet. I understand that. However, I can spot a princess from a mile away and this girl is it. She can disrupt the entire class if she doesn't like what we're working on. She can get other, smarter kids, to guess wrong by whispering the incorrect answer in their ears. She knows instinctively: when her seat is being taken or eyed, when her pencil box is in another's possession, any person's weak spot, and finally how to fake cry. She is the best. Real tears and everything. Incredible. I don't think she gets a lot of actual attention at home. I think she gets presents but no attention. She's a little like a princess locked in a tower so...sometimes I give her a little attention but...the rest of the time I just tickle her.

5. The Sickly One - He's little, with see-through skin and pointy cat teeth. He will follow the VP anywhere and is in love with the CEO (actually...they're kind of an item). As with most of the kids, he can be good. He can also be hilarious, using his daily handkerchief (that's right...this kid is making some kind of fashion statement in lime green) as a headwrap or bra. He has a mischievous giggle and can be rather naughty but he's usually fairly good for me.

6. The Valley Boy - I don't know how it happened but this kid has the most adorable Silicon Valley accent. You should hear him say "o". It's more like "eau". He's one of my better readers and is the smartest, by far, of all of the kids in his class. He enunciates and answers questions readily. I have his brother in another class and the both of them are a little ahead of the curve. I'm sure his parents must spend time with him. He's aces, even if he is from the Valley...somehow.

6 in the city:

7. The Babysitter - this girl will be a babysitter before she's ten. I can almost guarantee it. Extremely imperious, she loves lording her intelligence over the other children and lives to be teacher's pet. My first day at school, she came and wanted a kiss and hug. Freaked out, I ran into the storage closet and pretended to look for "supplies" until I heard her leave. She's also extremely good at manipulating adults because she makes sure you're watching when she sulks and goes to sit by herself in a room. Instead of responding with "because you scolded me teacher" when I asked why she was upset, she merely pretended not to know why I was asking and turned away, resting her head on her hand. Amazing. She's gonna drive her boyfriends actually insane. Wee!

8. The Teddy Bear - This kid...I don't know what else I can say. I just love his guts. He's so sweet, so energetic, so funny, he always wants me to pick him up and at times throughout the week, he'll grab me about the knees and proclaim his love by using about 73 "very"s in the phrase "I love you very much". I met his mother today who was about the only warm and friendly parent at today's "parents meeting". Teddy Bear is always a joy to have in class but can sometimes barely contain his enthusiasm and can get a touch rambunctious. Ah well. It's worth it.

9. The Tiny Adult - There is a girl; so composed, so well-adjusted that it makes me doubt how far I've come in my life. If I had half of her wherewithall I wouldn't need stress-related pastries. She's sweet, well-spoken, well-mannered, and doesn't go in for the drama that the Babysitter seems to crave. They are, by the way, BFFs (that's best friends forever, confounded reader of a certain age). If she got her learner's permit next year, I'd call her for a ride.

10. The Legion of Satan - This is no overstatement. The children (4 in the US, 5 here) in this year know every button to push. Within seconds I feel powerless, overwhelmed by their numbers as they turn off the lights, jump on the tables, escape the room and beat each other senseless. They are irrational, blood-thirsty hounds of hell but...they're just so damned cute. All of them. There's the pretty one who looks like a girl but isn't and should be in commercials. There's the smart one who ACTUALLY READS ENGLISH and understands everything I say (which makes it even more vexing when he pretends not to understand). There's the one girl, a tomboy, who always either wants to be held or to hit the others. There's the impishly naughty boy who makes you laugh, even as he defies you to your face. There's the pouty, sullen one who likes to shut himself in the cupboard. Last but not least is the country boy, a recent infant who speaks little Korean and even less English as snot pours down his face. I love them. I hate them. I love to hate them. I hate to love them, but I do. They work, breathe and destroy as a singular entity, so they just get the one entry.