I hope your halls were bedecked with holly, ivy, and any other assorted shrubbery you find suitable for the holiday season which came upon us like cinnamon to snickerdoodles
and also like snickerdoodles to my thighs.
I'm afraid that the title is a bit misleading as this edition isn't so much about the Holidays but about my time here as I gently ROK.
To tell the truth, and I'm always trying to do more truthin', I despised being here.
"Mr. Blackmeeeer, why are these people prone to snot rocket in the middle of public areas?"
That's right. Blog as I might, Korea hit me in a wrong kind of way from the first day of work on. Things just weren't right. Erratic driving? Hooker shoes in summer? Sweltering humidities? HOF restaurants? This place was preaching obstropulosity from the mountaintops and I wanted them all to sit down so I could do them a seminar on proper living.
"HOF" is the bloody stupid translation for the word "hops". These restaurants serve the finest in Korean eating: beer and fried chicken. And in Geoffreyland, these two things are pronounced "boo and hiss".
That's right: Kentucky hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
Proper living does not include the scent of poo and urine and cigarettes and bad perfume all in one place. It's simply too much for the nostrils and pharynx to deal with (the pharynx is the body part involved in the gag reflex, pharyngeal reader).
Proper living does also not include freaking out when your child has an infantessimal scratch on their finger and does not require a lengthy phone call to a Korean co-teacher to discover the origins of said blight.
Proper living does require that one occasionally relax and not stress about work, which is what I must do come 12:00am. At midnight my time it will be the 1st, and I'll be hogtied, basted and stuck in the oven at 215 (look Mommy, I be a turkey!) if I'm going to spend one moment of my break worrying about my job.
For a while I was worried about losing my job. I had no reason to believe so, but I just...couldn't get it out of my head that if I did so much as use my chopsticks to eat rice (a taboo here in the ROK) I would be escorted bodily from the country, which, depending on whom is issuing said eviction, could be quite exciting.
...and here we see the airport police arresting the only living proof that humans have cross-bred with oompa loompas.
But I digest, this here is about hating Korea. Grandpa was right, it's definitely a little gross here. And no matter what my recruiter told me, it is not open-minded or accepting as a culture, either. Conformity is the order of the day, as is kimchi, which I've already discussed (disgust?) ad nauseum...literally.
CONFORM!
The fun thing about communism is: sure, you have to eat rice and marrow soup out of goat hooves but you become a superb high kicker!
Yes, mommies are insane here. Yes, a teacher's job at a hogwan is especially difficult because of the mommies. Yes, there are some REAL communication differences. Yes, the idea of sanitation here borders on barbarism (that's barbarian, not, like...barbers).
VS
Although...I wouldn't count ALL barbers as sanitary (or sane for that matter...)
BUT! There are a few benefits, and they are fairly good 'uns. Sit close and we'll talk. No big whoop.
The first thing I found that I LOVED about Korea is: the subway system. It. Is. Awesome. I can get ANYWHERE I need to in Seoul and beyond and I get there on time. Everytime. Sure, occasionally the stops smell like open sewers full of blackwater and, from time to time, crazy people try to sell you stuff. But if you listen, it's possible that they're selling something rad. It's a hit and miss with those people.
He's selling...some....thing...?
The second thing, and this is a biggie, is Dongdaemun. Dongdaemun, as some of you have heard me rave, is the textile and fashion capital of Seoul. I don't really count the other "fashion capital"s because they are selling fashion that has already been put together. In Dongdaemun you shop for the fabric, take it to a tailor and get a custom made piece of clothing for YOUR body. AND! The made-to-measure and bespoke tailoring is a fraction of the price one would pay for a READY-TO-WEAR suit in America. Shirts, hoodies, jeans, polos, suits, ties, boots, leather; whatever you want, you can have if you have the money, the patience and the shopping stamina.
DONGDAEMUN! I quiver with joy upon entering, which makes the locals reeeeeeeeeeeeeally nervous.
The third thing is the land. The land which remains undeveloped is gorgeous. It's majestic, lush and ancient. It speaks to me in a way that the square kilometers of concrete sentinels never could. Not that sentinels are overly chatty. Especially not the concrete ones. I particularly enjoy the mountain at Jichuk station. It makes me smile everytime I see it.
I think THESE hills might actually be alive. Is that creepy?
The last thing has to be the friends. I love the people I'm working with and I love the friends that I've made at church. They fill me with such hope and love that I can't really express how much it means to me to have them in my life right now. I need 'em bad.
REAL friends dress like ABBA and sing and dance at a dance studio on Halloween AND WIN A PRIZE!
So that's about it for now, I think. Tomorrow I will go and enjoy a film and a night out with more lurved ones.
Missing you all, I assure you <3
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